OK, so I am going to have a weak moment and ask for a prayer request- for myself. I've had a hard time dealing with the loss of my angel these past two weeks or so. I've had more breakdowns in two weeks than I had in all of July and August, I think. It has been like it was back in the beginning of June.
So I thought that once I started this crazy idea of of finishing my degree that I would have less time to dwell on my loss. However, that's not the case. Although I am extremely busy, the pain won't be pushed aside and it comes out at inopportune times such as the end of a PTA meeting and during class (I had to actually walk out of one class an hour early b/c I couldn't stop the breakdown). I was studying for a history class and couldn't concentrate hard enough to stop wishing she were still here.
So what brought this on? I really don't know. Maybe the stress I'm under,maybe the lack of sleep, or maybe the mental dam that I've constructed to keep all this inside so that I can be a good mom, student, etc. is slowly crumbling. Maybe it is because Dylan had a rough week last week at school and I'm hurting for him as well as for myself. (Last week they were learning about when it is appropriate to use 9-1-1. Unfortunately, Dylan is very aware and has real life experience with this. He couldn't finish one of his assigned worksheets b/c "it made him too sad." We as moms always want to take away our kids pain and make it all better- in this case there is nothing I can do and that just hurts.)
I am sure this will pass or at least become more manageable again. Maybe I'll get in a good month or so before the holidays begin....
Please just continue to pray for me as well for Dylan and Chris.
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7 comments:
Jen- it is never weak to ask for prayer. Going to God on your behalf will be a privlage. I am so sorry you are having a hard time. You will never stop missing her, and my prayer for you will be that you will remember her without pain and hurt.
Staying busy and keeping your family busy is GREAT! Focusing on the future is healthy- it does not mean that Cedie is forgotten. Keep doing what you are doing- please continue to reach out when you need to. You have lots of folks that care about you and your family.
You are so not weak. I'm going to hope it is "normal" to be more suceptible to feeling down during times of stress, because that's when it always hits me the hardest. I think that you are doing the right thing by finishing your degree. I also believe that you are honoring Cedie's memory in an incredibly meaningful way--by going on to do something she was not able to.
Lots of hugs,
Sarah, Jeremy, and Evan
I agree you are not a weak person you are stronger then you know. I cry a lot also for my children when they hurt and that make us a mom and not weak.
You are very loving and caring and becasue you are trying so hard not to stress about it, it making it harder not to think about Cedie. Our minds are strange that way and they love to make us crazy sometimes.
Hugs to you and your family and I will say a prayer for you hun.
Crystal and Eva
ah thats better was gonna say soemthing on the last one and wastn letting me but i dotn c the sept flowers on the blog u say they r there i dont c them
Jennifer, I have come to this blog about 3 times a day since I first read your most recent post. I have left without posting anything because I just dont know what I can say. I cannot imagine the pain and sadness that must come over you at times. No words that I can say can take that away. But God is good--all the time. And I believe that He CAN give you comfort. You are in my prayers especially now, during this trying time. Stay strong...you are a wonderful example of a great mother. I will pray for God to continue to shower you with His goodness and blessings. Remember that you are surrounded by people who love you and truly, genuinely care.
I wish I could take the pain away for you, but until I gain that skill... I'll pray for you. I think this is completely normal and expected. You can't be strong all the time and nobody expects you to. I'm glad you wrote on your blog about this because praying is something we all can do!
We love you our dear friend...and we love and miss Cedie too. Of course you are going to feel sad, angry, frustrated...she should still be here with us and no one has the answer to why she is not. Please let us know how we can help...I can't even find the right words to say. Just please know we love all of you and care about you deeply.
Amy and Max
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